2010 A New Year

I've decided that this is going to be a new year! I had a relapse the other day. I got a little overwhelmed and I felt a little out of sorts. I didn't know how to manage my feelings so I went to sleep. After I woke up I realized that things have to change! So I came up with a list of New Years Resolutions.
My first goal is to be more positive.
Several weeks ago I started listening to motivational CD's. I got excited about work. I got excited about getting in my car everyday and I got excited about life. This week I went to training and I got this great training and I got motivated to get involved in other things at work. I'm not sure what that is yet, but I got motivated. If I can keep up this momentum that would be great!
My second goal is to Go On A Date With My Husband Once A Month.
I probably should say once a week but I'm really trying to keep my goals in perspective. And we have been on one date in the last 5 months so once a month would be a really great jumping off point for us.
My third goal is to see a girl friend at least every other week.
My original goal was once a week but that might be stretching it out a little too much. I need time with girls. Not at work. Not with having to entertain Ava. Just coffee or something. I need to get out.
My fourth goal is to have my brother in law's family over for dinner once or twice a month.
They used to have us over to dinner ALL the time. Sometimes we'd get busy and we wouldn't see each other that often and since we've had Ava its been terrible. I hardly see them at all but I really want for our kids to be close but its hard to do that if we never see them! So my goal is to get re-connected and invite them to dinner at least once a month but my goal is twice a month.
My fifth goal is to start this UBC eating plan.
Its a great plan. You eat 6 times a day. And there is healthy food involved. My goal is to get healthy and to get rid of the last 10 lbs I have to lose.
My sixth goal is to figure out a career move.
Not actually moving my career but decide if I want to eventually go back to school or maybe just figure out what I like doing. I can imagine myself in the same position for the rest of my life. That just won't be happening. Whether I do something different at work or find another job completely thats my goal to figure out this year.
My seventh goal is to continue breastfeeding at least two more months.
My ultimate goal is to stop around her first birthday but two more months for sure. Its so important. She has been so healthy up until now. We are so blessed and so fortunate I want to keep up her good health and continue to give her the gift of breast milk a while longer.

So my goals are kind of selfish but at this point I think I need but a little bit more selfish so I can ultimately be more selfless.
Those are my goals. I'm excited. I want more girly time. I want to be fit and in shape. I'm very happy that I can get into my old pants again. I just can't button most of them. I would like to button them. I also can't wait to be a better mom to Ava and a much better wife to Phil.
I have been so fortunate in 2009 to have such a wonderful supportive husband. He was amazing through my pregnancy. Then he has been great to Ava. The first several months were rough for both of us but we both have gotten our footing and we work really well together and Ava gets the best care that any child could ever receive. Her dad just adores her and I do too. This has been an amazing year. Full of surprises and excitement with the birth of our wonderful daughter. I am excited to see what 2010 brings us!

5 months old!

Where does the time go?! Just a short while ago it was Labor Day, then Halloween and Thanksgiving and now we are already done and gone with Christmas!

Ava is doing so well I don't even know where to begin!

She began eating solid food (rice cereal and now we have upgraded to oatmeal because she loves the taste so much better). She loves food! I'm surprised I don't have a little porker on our hands.

Ava has been turning or rolling over since she was just about 3 months old. She can now stand to be on her stomach for a longer period of time and prop herself up on her front arms and lift her stomach off the floor. She also has just begun to figure out how to push her legs under herself so she can lift her butt in the air for just a second or two. She also wildly thrashes her arms about and kicks her legs so much her socks fly half way across the room. I swear she is determined to start a fire with her feet.

The day before Christmas Ava started sitting by herself. It was only for about 3 seconds but I was so impressed! Today she sat for a record time of 11 minutes (she probably can sit longer than that but thats the only one I actually timed). Its amazing how much she has accomplished in such a short amount of time!

Ava will also give daddy and me hugs if we ask for them by saying "Ava, give me hug". She also has begun to get shy. We had several people over for Christmas and she would bury herself in my stomach if she got too much attention. It was funny.

Christmas Eve we spent at my parents house and we had a wonderful Prime Rib dinner with my parents and their neighbors. It was very nice. My parents neighbors gave Ava a wonderful present. A Frosty suit! It was so adorable! Unfortunately Ava didn't appreciate the suit as much as the rest of us did.

Christmas Day everyone came to our house. Phil's family which included his Dad, his Mom, his brothers Brendan, Andrew and Andrew's girlfriend and then his brother Steve came with his family Billie, Luka and Juno. My dad was there and then Phil's friend James also came over for a little bit. Everyone left except Steve and his family left round 11am. It was a great holiday. I miss going to Southern California to visit the rest of my family but it was nice to be at home for Ava's first Christmas. She got some great stuff!

It was also great having four days at home with our little princess. Phil is such a great dad. He takes such great care of Ava. It was fun spending time with my favorite people!

Ava 4 months and 3 weeks

Ava is the best thing since sliced bread, well at least Phil and I think so. She is such a great daughter. We could not have asked for a better child.

She smiles all the time. She is such a happy baby. She is so much fun to be around. She can entertain herself. She loves looking at faces. She enjoys interacting with other people. She's not too sure about toys but I think she's starting to like them. She sure loves her hands and feet.

Her feet move a million miles per hour. She started sucking her thumb. She tries to put her whole fist in her mouth. Everything you hand her goes in her mouth.

Almost two weeks ago she started eating rice cereal. She makes funny faces when she eats it but she still eats it. So I keep feeding it to her. I don't give her much. Just enough to get her tummy full (so she doesn't wake up every two hours at night).

Ava turns over and can spend more time on her tummy. She started laughing, really laughing two nights ago. I make funny faces at her and she laughs. Its awesome! She can sit up for a few seconds on her own. She sits in her bumbo seat better without falling over to the sides.

I sang her "Silent Night" on the way home last night and she started "singing" back to me.

She is so much fun!

My story

I wanted to start out this blog a different way. Maybe this is no one elses business but my own but I wanted to share my story and maybe it will help.
I feel like I'm a pretty normal person. In my past I had some issues with depression and anxiety but those problems went away just before I finished college over two years ago. Since then I've come to think of myself as a pretty normal and natural person. I didn't have any more issues with either problem since.
Shortly after I had Ava I began feeling overwhelmed (for those of you who are on facebook you probably noticed that I felt overwhelmed quite often). I couldn't get a handle on anything. I figured it was just a normal thing and on the weekends I'd get caught up. When I went back to work I was always late. Always. No matter what I did I was always late. Well now into December I was still feeling this way and actually several weeks ago I notice that at work I would just sit there. I would have all this work to do but I felt so overwhelmed I didn't know where to start or how to begin so I would just sit. I stopped taking pictures of Ava. If I sat down I wouldn't get back up. I was mad at Phil all the time. Everything he did irritated me. If he breathed I got mad at him. If he looked at me funny I'd get mad at him. I thought it was just because I was tired and this is all part of being a new mommy.
Relatives from California would come to visit and I just wanted to stay at home.
For those of you who know I also sell Mary Kay products. Well I stopped calling my director and I slacked on getting my orders out.
Finally last week something happened. I had awful thoughts. I never thought I'd ever have again and on Wednesday last week all I could do was sit at my desk at work and cry. I knew something was wrong. I just haven't felt like myself. So I got help. I called my doctors and I had gotten an appointment for Friday with a family doctor I had never seen before because my doctor was out of town. The nurse called me back and wanted to get me in for an appointment the same day. It was such an awful day. I cried at work. I cried in front of my boss. I'm not an emotional person. I am not someone who cries. That is just not who I am. So I went in for my appointment. The doctor was very nice. It turns out that I had/have postpartum depression.
I was devastated when I found out. I felt like this shouldn't happen. I'm usually such a happy person and I love baby Ava more than anything but I'm glad I got help when I did.
This week has been much better. Phil and I spent the entire weekend snow in at our house. It was awesome. I've been on time to work this week. I've gotten so much done. I feel like a new person and a new mommy. I know that there are some things that haven't changed like I still go to bed when Ava does or shortly after she goes to bed. I don't get a whole lot done at home but I'm learning how to let go of some of the less important things and focus on being a good mommy to Ava and a better wife for Phil.

4 month doctor visit

Today Ava had her four month check up.

She got 4 shots, she is 10lbs 10oz and is 24 inches long.

She had a great appointment. Daddy took her. The doctor said that she is doing really well. The nurses just go gaga over her and waltz her around the office for 10 minutes while waiting for the Doctor to arrive. Ava is well loved by her doctor and nurses.

I could not get time off to go to Ava's appointment so I printed out a whole page of questions along with Ava's accomplishments. I've been so nervous lately because I figured out that she wasn't getting enough to eat and have now been giving Ava formula (well supplementing with formula) for a week. I just want to make sure that she's hitting all of the growth spots that she needs to be hitting.

Ava is amazing! We are very fortunate as parents to have her as our daughter. She truly is amazing.