Almost D-Day

D-Day (Due Date) is almost here. In fact, its only hours away.
I ended up changing my doctors appointment. I was scheduled to go in tomorrow (my actual due date) but due to irregular, painful contractions, I thought it would be best to at least call the doctors office. I received a call back to come in and get checked out.
I got checked out. Instead of making progress, it seems as though things are not progressing, or at least staying the same. I've lost 8lbs this week, which according to the nurse practitioner (NP), is a good sign that I'll give birth (obviously!), my cervix moved, and is not really in the right position, Ava is no longer engaged (Phil says thank goodness because he would have to kill the boy she's engaged too. Sorry I thought it was funny), she moved back up apparently. Needless to say, my appointment was disappointing. The NP said probably another week, but it could happen at any time. At this point there is no discussion of inducing labor. They will discuss that at 41 1/2 weeks if we still do not have Ava whom I'm thinking about renaming to PIMA (Pain In My...um you know what).
After my appointment I was pretty disappointed. I called Phil, and although I didn't realize it, I had a hormone surge (I had one of those on Sunday too) and I burst into tears while talking with Phil. And this continued for two hours. I drove around after my appointment thinking that this surge of hormones would subside and I would be perfectly fine and capable of returning back to work like a normal human being. I drove and drove, then I finally stopped to get lunch, which I was planning to take back to my office but decided on the park instead. I ate my lunch and read a book (which is what I normally do at lunch) and I was feeling better. I had diverted my attention, and seemed to be dealing with everything pretty well. I decided to call my boss and let her know that I was on my way. I called, and I was ok. Then I was driving down the road and the tears wouldn't stop coming. I called Phil and he told me to go home. I called my mom and she said the same thing. So I called my boss back, but I could barely get through the message, but I asked for the rest of the day off. I couldn't make it.
I stopped over at my parents house because I wanted to see their backyard. I went to go outside and I didn't realize the step was a little lower than I had expected (plus all the hormones and everything) I almost fell to the ground, and in front of everyone (the workers who did a beautiful job on the back yard by the way!) I burst into tears! It was awful. Everything was making me cry. Hugs, no hugs, just talking about Ava. I wanted to go home, but I ended up staying for about a 1/2 hour talking with my parents. I did eventually go home, where Phil was at home waiting for me and working on his T-shirt machine. He gave me a big hug (he had the unfortunate experience of going through this hormonal surge on Sunday with me) and I sat down for most of the afternoon while he worked on his machine. Around 3pm I decided to take a nap. I slept for a while. I guess I didn't realize how tired I was (which could also explain why I was so emotional today).
I think the thing that threw me over the edge today (so to speak), was that I've been having these contractions for the last two months. With in the last month they have been getting steady, closer together and stronger. And the last two times that I've had these, they are painful, awful, and nothing happens when I get them now. I think if I wasn't in so much pain, or if wasn't having contractions it wouldn't be so bad. But having contractions, expecting something to happen, to get a miracle out of it, is really frustrating. And I think that's whats making it hard to deal with.