My story

I wanted to start out this blog a different way. Maybe this is no one elses business but my own but I wanted to share my story and maybe it will help.
I feel like I'm a pretty normal person. In my past I had some issues with depression and anxiety but those problems went away just before I finished college over two years ago. Since then I've come to think of myself as a pretty normal and natural person. I didn't have any more issues with either problem since.
Shortly after I had Ava I began feeling overwhelmed (for those of you who are on facebook you probably noticed that I felt overwhelmed quite often). I couldn't get a handle on anything. I figured it was just a normal thing and on the weekends I'd get caught up. When I went back to work I was always late. Always. No matter what I did I was always late. Well now into December I was still feeling this way and actually several weeks ago I notice that at work I would just sit there. I would have all this work to do but I felt so overwhelmed I didn't know where to start or how to begin so I would just sit. I stopped taking pictures of Ava. If I sat down I wouldn't get back up. I was mad at Phil all the time. Everything he did irritated me. If he breathed I got mad at him. If he looked at me funny I'd get mad at him. I thought it was just because I was tired and this is all part of being a new mommy.
Relatives from California would come to visit and I just wanted to stay at home.
For those of you who know I also sell Mary Kay products. Well I stopped calling my director and I slacked on getting my orders out.
Finally last week something happened. I had awful thoughts. I never thought I'd ever have again and on Wednesday last week all I could do was sit at my desk at work and cry. I knew something was wrong. I just haven't felt like myself. So I got help. I called my doctors and I had gotten an appointment for Friday with a family doctor I had never seen before because my doctor was out of town. The nurse called me back and wanted to get me in for an appointment the same day. It was such an awful day. I cried at work. I cried in front of my boss. I'm not an emotional person. I am not someone who cries. That is just not who I am. So I went in for my appointment. The doctor was very nice. It turns out that I had/have postpartum depression.
I was devastated when I found out. I felt like this shouldn't happen. I'm usually such a happy person and I love baby Ava more than anything but I'm glad I got help when I did.
This week has been much better. Phil and I spent the entire weekend snow in at our house. It was awesome. I've been on time to work this week. I've gotten so much done. I feel like a new person and a new mommy. I know that there are some things that haven't changed like I still go to bed when Ava does or shortly after she goes to bed. I don't get a whole lot done at home but I'm learning how to let go of some of the less important things and focus on being a good mommy to Ava and a better wife for Phil.