Changes

There have been so many changes in the past year and a half. Mostly on my behalf.
I had a baby. I was huge. I was emotional and tired and drained. Then after several weeks of being able to bond affectionately with my baby, I was pushed back into the work world which, under normal cercumstances would have been no problem. But I had post partum and didn't know it. I felt over whelmed and everyday felt like a struggle. Just as I was catching up on one thing I was now five tasks behind. My life was one big catch up game. It seemed to take me hours to get to and from work. I don't know if I just felt the safe comfort of my parents house and sought out solitude and extra help while picking up Ava or an excuse not to go home so I wouldn't have to be "alone" with Ava while Phil was working. I didn't know what I was doing.
After being diagnoses with post partum everything seemed to make sense. I understood myself a little better. I now understood why the awful thoughts kept coming. I sought help on several different levels.
Since my diagnosis my life has completely changed.
In February I started going to Church.
It took several weeks and several times but I decided to dedicate my life to God. Which in turn led to my participation in the church and my decision to allow Ava to be dedicated in the church on Mothers Day.
Since that day. I realized this isn't my life. This life is for me and Ava and Phil. Our lives are supposed to be together. No matter how many challenges we face along the way, how many obsticles that occure. We are supposed to hang tight as a family.
This summer several of our challenges arose but I still enjoyed all the time I could with my baby. We went on morning weekend adventures. Mostly to take pictures of our little princess. We snuck in a camping trip, some fun hang out dates with friends and even snuck off to the Rib Cook Off with Cheryl and Addison. My time was spent learning the ways of the Beck which was totally awesome! I enjoyed every minute of it.
This fall my life has changed. Its become so completely different.I feel like a differently person entirely. My post partum depression has subsided. I no longer feel like a hamster in a wheel. Every weekend I enjoy activities with my daughter and husband. Our house is clean. I mean clean, clean. I get up early. I go to bed an hour after Ava. I feel like I have some control over my life again. I feel happiness, joy, and I feel inspired. I love being a mom. I love being a wife. I like my job. I am thankful that I am employed.
I think our lives have changed a lot. I feel more grateful for everything in my life. Every little ounce of happiness is just one more spark that keeps me going in my day! I love it! I live off it.