Last blog of 2011- an Ava update

For those of you that follow me on Facebook you might have noticed what a rough week we've had.
Christmas night Ava began her off set schedule of not sleeping. Coughing, skin rashes, and nights on end of watching Disney and DreamWorks DVD"s. What a week.
Ava had this week off school due to winter break.
I had so many plans. We were going to go out and take pictures, go for a small hike, go to Sacramento and go to the zoo and do some fun things, go to the Discovery Museum etc. Instead we spent a mass majority of our time on the couch. Like bad parents, watching TV. Every other day or so she would get a couple of hours of energy running around the house doing her usual cute things.
The times she felt terrible she would sit. She wouldn't eat, drink or even speak to us. Other times she was just outright cranky. But for a vast majority she was a good girl. She was a real trooper. Sitting around not complaining.

Now that the weekend is here. Today is the last day in 2011. We spent most of the day at home. Except for a delivery of Christmas presents to the other Wozniak's, we stayed home, away from the crazies.
Ava felt a little better. Still wiped out. Still a little more white than normal, not up to her standard of eating and pedisure intake. But she was sure a ham this afternoon after she got a good nap in this morning.

Tomorrow is Sunday. The beginning of the new year. Welcome 2012.
Ava will surely be feeling much better. And hopefully we can spend the last two days of her vacation doing something fun other than sitting on the couch watching more brainless TV.

Ava sure says some funny stuff.
While my resolution is not really to make any resolutions for 2012 other than take it one day at a time.
I do hope to take more pictures, continue with my blogs and updates for the little miss, continue adding to her school book of progress reports and hopefully we can do more fun things this year.

I'm looking forward to 2012! I'm looking forward to watching Ava grow, continue to amaze us with her amazing vocabulary and spit back what she has learned from all of us. We love Ava more than anything. And she truly has been the light in the tunnel for 2011. We've had such a rough year. Ava has really helped heal our hearts, mend our souls and gave us a reason to truck on and want to make a better life not just for ourselves but to look out for her better interest. She is amazing. We are so lucky and so blessed. Words can't describe the love that we feel for our little Ava (even when she makes us want to pull our hair out and scream at the top of our lungs). We love her with all of our hearts.

2012 will be a great year. Phil, Ava and I will venture into 2012 and make this journey, whatever it may be, a good one.
Take one day at a time. Thats our motto this year.

The end of the year

As we come to the end of the year.
I want to jump, kick and scream my way into the new year.
A new beginning. A new outlook. Continuing with my Masters. Attempting to learn new computer software and crossing my fingers that I can make a go of the photography business I've dreamed of starting for several years.

Looking back on 2011
I'd actually really rather not.
I had such great hopes. I thought my mom would get better. By January she was already in the hospital for a week. By February 2nd she had passed away. That is one night that will live with me forever. In my dreams at night my mom visits me. She is happy and content. And I know that my dad and I did the right thing when they asked us if we wanted her to wake from surgery and after a short discussion we opted out. We both knew deep in our hearts, we looked at each other and knew, that if she woke up from surgery she would have literally gotten out of bed and kicked out asses.
The night before she passed. For some reason I went over and visited my parents. Really out of the norm since my parents at that point were not taking care of Ava anymore and it was a work night. When my dad left the room, my mom leaned close to me and told me when I left that she was going to take her life. I knew at that very moment, it was serious. She asked for an ambulance ride to the hospital. My dad was skeptical but I called and arranged for an ambulance to come and pick up my mom. She went down the street with flying colors. Lights on, an ambulance and fire trucks came to her rescue. I'm actually very glad they did. Because although my mom only weighed slightly over 100 lbs my dad and I could not lift her into the car to get her to the hospital.
I talked with her briefly on the phone the next day. But I am thankful I said everything I really wanted and needed to say in the weeks ahead of her untimely death.
She was my very best friend in the whole world. When she left us behind, there are no words to explain how I felt. My mom lived 2-3 miles down the street. For the first year of Ava's life she she and my dad took care of Ava, I saw them at least 5 days a week. Even when she was watching Ava, I called my mom at least 5 times a day, just to talk, give updates on stupid stuff at work and ask how Ava was doing.
The day my mom died. My heart broke into a million pieces. I don't think I have ever been so sad in my entire life. Although I didn't cry when we scattered her ashes in a field just west of Lake Tahoe, or when the school that she worked at and retired from held a beautiful ceremony that captured everything my mom was about, I still did not shed a tear.
It finally hit me at Christmas. I threw a fit, one fit for Ava's age then cried for several hours.

While I have only talked about the passing of my mom.
My wonderful Grandmother 3 weeks later, exactly to the day, passed away after my mom.
My dad, Phil, Ava and I were fortunate enough to make a trip down there just days before she passed.
My Grandmother was the glue that held our family so tightly together.
With her loss, I'm scared that the connection we have will fizzle and be lost.
Although in the past several years I have not made as much of an effort as I could have to go and visit our family in southern Cali, it seems more important now than ever to hold that bond.
My grandmother did a great job, holding family gatherings at her house. Now that the house is gone. The family is further away, it seems hard to figure out how to get everyone together with all of our busy schedules. Maybe I'm just reading into it too much.

Its just hard leaving 2011 knowing that EVERYTHING that I once knew, is so very different.

Not to have a total pity party but the same day that we lost our beloved Grandmother, we made the decision to put our family cat to sleep.

In May Phil lost one of his really good friends was shot while walking downtown Reno.

And in November my best friend lost her father in law.

So many people, not just myself have lost ones that they love and have had a year harder than even I could imagine.

In addition to everything else in 2011 Phil was in the hospital twice for renal failure. He had nose surgery and finally is undergoing long term treatment for all his medical issues.

We are done with 2011.
While we have loved watching Ava grow, become independent, caring, loving and of course two. She has been the light that has lit the pathway to the end of 2011.
Without her, I am not sure how we would have made it through this year. Ava is a blessing. We love her with every ounce of our beings. She is the most amazing little girl we have ever known. She is smart. She has had her troubles this year, but she is still here. She is the love of our lives.

As I look back on 2011. It was a dark and gloomy year. While I was able to quit my job and return to school to get my masters. I get more time at home with my husband and daughter. I do count the blessings that we have had.
They have found solutions for Phil. Even when his doctors thought his treatment would fail, his last appointment he was given the thumbs up, he is one of the only patients to go through this treatment program and actually have pretty good success with it.
We have been able to keep our house, which is actually been a miracle after Phil got sick.
We have family that loves us. We love each other. We have amazing friends, which unfortunately we have not seen enough of this year. This year I hope we can get back on track and get on with our lives, get back out in the world and visit with people and make more trips and reconnect with our friends that we once were so close with. We've sort of just lived a shell of a life for the past year. Not really living, just going along the best that we can and trying to figure out who we are and what we are doing after so much has changed in our lives.

I have a really really good feeling about 2012. Not sure what. But something good is going to happen.
I wish everyone health and happiness in 2012.

Christmas

Ava's 3rd Christmas turned out better than I hoped.
I kind of lost all ambition the last couple of days before the big day.
But the bike that Santa got Ava was a big hit! She loves all the presents that she was given. She plays with all of them.
I feel bad we didn't get more toys for Ava. We focused more on being a big girl. Big girl bedding, big girl clothes, big girl bike. But she got really cool toys from others so I think it made up for it! :)

Christmas turned out to be ok after all. After my meltdown on Saturday things went a little better. I guess this holiday turned out to be harder than I expected. I really missed my mom. We didn't really do the same things here in Nevada that we did in San Diego (meaning, we didn't put the tree together, we didn't put out decorations together, we didn't go through all the ornaments) but I guess I wanted our Christmas to be special for our family like it was with mine when I was a little kid. I guess when we get older we just have to make new traditions. Things aren't always the same and we just have to move on.

Thats exactly what we did. I cooked Christmas dinner. Mostly from bags and boxes. :) Store bought mashed potatoes (which were awesome), frozen veggies, dinner rolls, ribs, little wienies. It turned out pretty good.
We just had a few family members over. We watched the Grinch, played video games and then everyone went home. It was a pretty easy going day.

Ava seemed to enjoy her day. She wasn't feeling so well. But she had a really fun day. Christmas night....we didn't go to bed. We were up until 2am Monday morning.
I think her daycare sicknesses are starting to settle in. They always say the first year of school is the hardest. We are finally figuring that out. She is still a little under the weather but you can't tell unless she sniffs her nose or coughs. She's a pretty good sport when she's sick. She must truly be a Wozniak. She just waits it out and rolls with the punches. She doesn't let anything get her down.

We made it through Christmas.
My first Christmas with out mom. First Christmas without Grandmother and first Christmas without our cat Fizz.

One of my favorite things that my parents and I did when I was growing up, we would usually set up for Christmas Thanksgiving weekend. We would bring in the tree and put it together. we would string the lights on the tree while listening to Christmas music on one of the local radio stations, we would put hooks on the ornaments, then get out Santa Brother (since I didn't have any siblings I would carry around this Santa doll when I was really young), we would set out the Christmas town, my dad would hang lights. At night we would sit and light the fire in fire place, drink hot chocolate and either that same weekend or one of the weekends closer to Christmas we would make petty coat tails. Those were my mom's signature cookies. She would make tons of other cookies as well. I would take them to school, she would take them to work and my dad would share them at his school as well. My mom went all out at Christmas. We always had tons of presents under the tree.

I think maybe I feel bad because I don't know what to get people for gifts. Maybe I feel bad because we didn't get to hang lights this year, or bring out all of the Christmas decorations like I wanted (part of me is nervous because Ava is so young and I'm just scared she might break something). I am not a cook so I don't really bake cookies or make baked good for people like my mom did.

But we got through the holidays. We are so much closer to 2012. I have a wonderful feeling that 2012 will be an amazing year. Not sure why, or what but I'm positive 2012 will be a great year!

Ava's 3rd Christmas

Boy Ava has a had a month!
First the foot, then she whacked her nose at school and had black eyes for several days, then she got strep throat and was out of school for 4 days (sat on the couch for 4 days straight and we must have watched Monsters Inc, Cars, and Shrek II at least 7 times each).

At Ava's last doctors appointment she was up to 22.5 lbs she is now wearing mostly 24 month shirts, 18 month pants and she can now fit in the circo brand 24 month pants. She also is up to a size 6 shoe. She is getting longer and taller. Her hair is so long I can't believe it.
She went back to school on Tuesday this week. Must have been just enough time, Ava started talking to her teachers again (she stopped talking to them after her foot incident, and Ava had a melt down, or two or three ever morning before school). Ava didn't have melt downs before school this week. She started saying more sentences, she started eating a little more this week. Everyday we got her from school she was in a good mood. She has been hitting less, getting along with us better.
Ava says some of the cutest things!
Here are a couple of quotes from this week.
"Is daddy sleeping? Awww he's so cute"
"I sat in Santa lap. Mommy, I see Santa!"
"Are you OK? Awe, are you OK?"
"I want to go whee whee whee (fly in the air) mama"

Phil: " Are you a Diva?"
Ava: "No. I'm Ava"

Tonight she wanted me to read "Ho Ho Ho Tucker". I didn't even know we had that book, but sure enough she found it and read it along with me tonight.


This year I got ready for Christmas early. Ava likes the tree decorations but hasn't touched the presents that are under the tree.
Very thankful for that! As Christmas approaches I grow more depressed. I think this year without my mom and my grandmother and the usual Christmas traditions it has been harder than I imagined. I'm really thankful I did everything early because as of today, I don't feel like doing anything until the holiday is over.

Ava is full of surprises. It seems that if we conquer one thing (like getting over her fear of going to school) she is back to wetting the bed.
I guess its time to buckle down and get down to potty training. We've tried this before, but this time we need to make better effort with consistency, sticker charts, cookies for going potty and maybe even turning her crib into a big girl toddler bed, complete with big girl bedding (which Santa is bringing her for Christmas)

What a month

It has been almost a month since I've updated on Ava.
I don't even know where to begin!

I guess I'll start out with the new phrases Ava says.
Ava says all kinds of funny things. She has become quite her own!
One of my favorites is that she thinks bigger birds (Seagulls, Geese etc) are Turkey's.
Ava says "Hi Turkey!!!" or she will say "Turkey" and start screaming (giddy scream).
Her favorite movie is "Donkey" aka Shrek.
Her favorite is Shrek II. She asks "Baby crying?" when Shrek and Fiona arrive in Far Far Away.
My most favorite is she will cup her hand near her ear and says "Hear it?" "A doggy, hear it?" "Water, hear it?"

She has also gotten into a pattern of two year old behavior. Copying what others say to her.
If I ask her a question (I am not her favorite person right now) she will say "Stop it. Be quiet" or
"Don't touch! Its mine". "Don't say that. I don't like it".

She communicates very very very well.

Two days before Thanksgiving I get a frantic call from Ava's school saying a kid pushed her and she hurt her foot. Thinking maybe she just landed on it wrong we waited it out overnight. When she still said "Ouchy" in the morning and wouldn't walk on it I took her to ER. They did x-rays and while they didn't actually find anything (her bones are super small and still forming) they declared it fractured. Since this was the day before Thanksgiving we had to wait until Monday to get a cast.
By Thursday (Thanksgiving) we declared Ava needed a bath took off the temporary cast and she refused to put it back on. By Friday she was limping around. Monday's doctors appointment went well. She didn't need a cast.

Last week we went on a mini, much needed vacation. We headed to San Diego early for my Mom's memorial/dedication.
While nothing went according to plan. We had a ton of time bonding as a family. We got along better than we have in months. We bonded. We needed the trip and didn't even know it.
Unfortunately we didn't get to do near the amount of stuff we wanted to! We wanted to visit people, go places, see things. But between Ava's off schedule and Phil (actually doing pretty good for the most part) we ended up spending a lot of time at the condo we rented for a week. Fine by me. We walked 2 blocks down to the beach. We went to the beach almost everyday. Didn't get in the water but we got to look at it. Ava and Phil fell in the water fully clothed, the first day in San Diego. Traveling for us with a toddler might not happen again, at least for a while.

The memorial came and went. The school did a fantastic job with the dedication. My mom's old library was turned into a reading center. Her picture and a plaque were hung on the wall. She would be so proud and honored.

She was a fantastic woman and a super mom. I hope I'm half the mom she was! She was amazing. She lived, loved and breathed books and she did almost anything for me! She was a great mom. The school did a fantastic job capturing my mom's personality in that room that used to be her office. They did a great job.

Our last night in San Diego Ava fell off the king size bed (how does a toddler not even 3 feet tall) fall off a king size bed?! So I didn't sleep after that. She kicked me out of bed several times (with me pushing her back over to the middle). Phil was smart and didn't even attempt to share with the two of us. Smart of him because I didn't sleep a wink after the little missy took a dive for the carpet.


We got up at 3:45 and left by 4:15am. We returned our rental car, and got first class service with a ride in our rental car to the air port. I totally recommend Hertz to anyone who travels! Their fairs are reasonable and they did an amazing job with our drop off.

We got to the airport right at 5am. Perfect timing. We got through the line fast. The TSA check in was kind of crazy with all of our bags, the car seat, the stroller and birth certificates and boarding passes etc. UGH. But we got there with about an hour to spare. Ava did pretty good waiting. We got on the flight. Ava got a little nervous with the take off and landing but did ok for the most part on the flight. Straight shot. Only an hour and 10 minute flight. not too bad.

We kept Ava home yesterday. She slept a little over three hours. I think it will take some time to get her schedule back in place. Her schedule was so crazy during our trip. She didn't eat much and didn't drink the pedisure like she does at home.
She still didn't eat much, even at home.