Just putting it out on the table.

I am human. Over the last year and a half I've had to deal with things I never ever thought I'd have to deal with. I've sat with my mom in ER not knowing if she would make it through the night. I took my mom to her last doctors appointment. I asked the hard questions. I sat there with my mom the night before she passed holding her hand telling her how much I loved her and how much I appreciated everything she's ever done for me. I called an ambulance to take her away. I was there when she didn't wake. I held her hand and hugged her as she passed away. A few months later my husband became too sick to work. He could hardly get out of bed. I sat with him stroking his hair, holding his hand. Scheduling doctors appointments and taking him to his tests. At appointments I asked the hard questions "Is it cancer" "Does he have to live with this the rest of his life?" "How is he supposed to work when he can't even stand up without turning three different shades of green and white?" I've spent nights reading with Ava, and doing projects. I've been an "only parent" for a while. This summer. I became human. My outward shell has been shed. I cry when no one is watching. I ball up and wonder "why did this happen to me? My mom was supposed to be here for this and my husband is supposed to be at my side?" I became human. Each day I appreciate all that I have. The time I have with my husband, no matter how its spent (usually watching him try and sleep), the time I have with my daughter (while trying not to get too frustrated with the attitude that comes along with being 3), and remembering that family is only a click or phone call away.